Time for a check up…

Just woke up to my girls singing- more like yelling- TIME FOR A CHECK UP! Spent 30 minutes with DocMcdaughter and nurse Halliedaughter giving me a physical examination. Their diagnosis was that I had a bad neck and the medication was no coffee for five days! 


Finding God.

I’ve always felt His presence but lived my life on my own. Lately my soul has been searching and aching for more. I have started praying… praying for purpose… praying for myself… praying for my children… praying for compassion in our heartless world. My favorite prayer is “God, I am yours… lead me to my purpose in life.” This life we live cannot be it, there has to be more. There is just so much wrong going on these days. Children being killed…Children being neglected…I see some questioning their faith, but that is not wise. Amidst the chaos, we should hold on to our faith, hold on to God and not lose sight of what matters. Do good… believe in good… Show the world that there are still good people out there… Be the change you want to see in this world. You might inspire someone else to do good… and that’s what we need… one person at a time… seeking God… seeking goodness… seeking faith… Do your part and let God take care of everything else…

Having a child with a learning difficulty.

My 7 year old daughter has been having problems at school lately. She can’t seem to be able to finish her work in the allotted time, even though all her classmates are able to finish on time. I was advised by the school to take her to see a child psychologist. We were told by the psychologist that there is an issue, however we are not sure what the issue is but we need a few sessions to find out. Appointments are really far apart and it is so hard to wait and wait and wait. Meanwhile at school the teachers keep complaining and her grades keep getting worse. The more stress that is put on her at school, the more restless and upset she is at home. Every little thing that bothers her turns into a full-blown tantrum, which leads to at least an hour of trying to calm her down. On our first appointment the doctor said that it was definitely an attention issue and that the way she was holding her pencil while writing is not correct, she’s not applying pressure with her finger so she’s using the wrong muscle to write, which makes her hand get tired easily. She needs psychomotor therapy for her hand. She also has a condition called latent nystagmus in her left eye, which means that… I don’t know what it means. I looked it up on Google and it’s a  an  eye condition where the eye does not focus properly. I was advised that when sitting with her to study, whether it was me or her teacher, we should sit on her right side because she could focus better. Also she also needs to be always seated in front in class. I just feel so lost and overwhelmed in all this. I feel that because of my issues, I’m having a hard time dealing with her issues. I want to be stronger and I want to be able to help my daughter. I am taking it one day at a time. I’m trying to learn as much as I can about kids with learning difficulties and how to help them. However I am not sure what exactly her learning difficulty is yet. We were told that her eye condition and her  psychomotor issue are not the main problem in her problems at school. Her psychologist said it’s an attention issue. So I’ve been reading a lot about her condition and I recently joined a parent support group for parents with children with learning difficulties. That has helped me a lot, just being able to sit with other moms who are going through what I’m going through. I’m writing this post to vent and to reach out to other parents that are going through the same situation. Anyone out there that might be able to relate or have any advice would be awesome! 

Little breakdown of the day

I’ve been on my depression medication for over 6 years now. My daughters are now 6 and 7. I look at their photos when they were younger, I break down and cry! It is all a blur, no memories… I feel so cheated… they were so adorable and sweet (and still are…) but my battles are on going so I have missed so much! That’s not fair, I want to hug them more, to love them more, to be there more but I feel paralyzed! Everyone around me says that I am a wonderful mom, caring, supportive and present. But that’s not who I see, I see someone who is weak …

Motorcycle riders in my head´╗┐

I recently took my daughters to the circus. It was one of the my best parenting moments! I spent the whole show watching my girls watch the show in amazement and utter joy! They loved it all! The funny mischievous dog that kept playing pranks on the clown dressed up as a woman… The big brave man that kept poking the tigers… The stylish and fabulous lady with bright red lipstick that made the sweet little kittys walk the rope… The whole Gonzales family walk the very high and scary rope! All these typical circus shows that we view as repetitive, my girls were amazed by them, viewing them for the first time through their eyes was a joy! Then came this huge metal ball and three motorcycle riders… they opened the ball and they drove inside of it… closed the door and just kept driving round and round… really fast… really noisy… my girls were yelling! That’s when I had my Aha… moment! It was all too familiar! Now I can explain it to you! That’s what I feel going on in my head all day long and everyday of my life! That’s what anxiety feels like! These three men in helmets and driving really really fast and being loud… high fiving each other… yelling… going in circles inside my head! That is me, my life and my motorcycle riders in my head…

I’m back!

I’m back! My last post was in 2014!!!! I had decided that blogging wasn’t for me! I felt I had nothing valuable to say? Why would anyone want to follow me? I am a mom of two kids! I suffer from depression, anxiety and rheumatoid arthritis! Well that hasn’t changed, I’m still a mom, to two wonderful and very strong girls, still battling with depression, anxiety and rheumatoid arthritis. However I feel the need to speak out! If you like what I have to say, then Great! I love you! And if you don’t like what I have to say, then That’s fine! I know my anxiety will be tormenting and reminding me of it many many times! But I also know that not everyone has to like what I say or like me for that matter! I feel the need to speak out for other moms that are going through similar situation as me? We are ok! We are doing a great job! We are great parents! Our kids are doing great! They are healthy, happy and in love with us! We are enough and we are much much more! So this is all I’m saying right now, I’m back! I love me and I love you all! You are not alone!

Carpool Disaster!

Let me just start of by saying, how I HATE making anyone feel bad or being mean or rude to anyone. It’s one of my worst traits! I’ve been known to keep my mouth shut on numerous occasions, even on occasions where others have been mean to me. That said, I can start my post. I’m a mother to two girls, a 4 year old and a 5 year old, last year I met a grandmother that picks up her son’s kid from preschool and goes home by bus. She owns a car but can’t be bothered by finding parking and getting stuck in traffic. I felt bad for her, for the past year, whenever I’m not going straight home, I usually walk home with the girls, and whenever I’m taking the car, I drop her off. I don’t ask for anything in return, she lives close to my mom’s house and that where I usually go, cause that’s the only person that tolerates two little well behaved angels and cause everyone I know is at work and I’m the only SAHM I know…. Well now I’m just rambling… I’ll leave that for another post… So her grandson is not the best behaved kid I know ( well neither are mine!!!) constantly yelling in the car, undoing his seatbelt and trying to get into the front seat with his grandmother. I tell him nicely to sit and because I feel bad for her, I’ve been taking her home for the past year and a half, at least twice a week. So two days ago her 5 year old bullies my daughter in the playground and I asked him politely to stop and asked her to stay away from him. The next day, she knew I was going to my mom’s, she’s running after me, while I run after my kids, to hitch a ride. I smiled and struggled to get all three kids in the back seat, as my daughter bent over, playing around, before I can catch her and put her in her booster, he bites her bottom. Oh! You can imagine the yelling, crying and tantrum my daughter went through! I tell him off but still get them in their seats! As I’m driving he punches her twice in the face!!! That’s when I lost it, told him what a bad kid he was and asked my daughter not to talk to him or look at him during the rest of the ride! The next day, his grandmother apologizes and says she’ll have him sit on her lap, at our next carpool! That’s when I said, I prefer we don’t car pool anymore! However as I was saying it I felt so bad for her, is it really her fault that her grandchild is spoilt rotten and gets away with everything? The next day they are playing in the playground like nothing happened! I know I’m right but why do I feel like I was mean to her? I’m not going to change my mind and I won’t let anyone bully my daughters.

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